Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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