Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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