Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
