I accidentally burped into my bong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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