took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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