my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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