he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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