Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
