i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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