dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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