Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
