I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
