every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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