It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
