I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
