I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
