I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
