I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
