Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Let's paint friendship bongs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
