Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
