Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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