We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
