we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
