I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
