and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
