battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
