did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
