Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
