You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
