It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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