Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
