A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
