broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
