I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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