I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
