no, he came in my armpit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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