woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
