so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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