Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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