Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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