I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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