Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
