and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
