I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
