I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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