saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
