you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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