i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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