It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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