Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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