you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
