96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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