Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
