so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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