her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
