More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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