I love black thongs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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