I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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