how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
