they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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