If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
