I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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