Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
