i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize